To a dear friend,
You are sitting at the bottom of a hole right now. You think no one could possibly understand. You think that you are crazy. You are sitting in the same place I was just a month ago – you are inhabiting that same dark place that scares you so much. You’re not comfortable there, but it is what you know.
I want you to look up. Turn your eyes up toward the sunlight and out of the darkness that has consumed your vision. It’s going to be uncomfortable – your eyes need time to adjust – but please don’t shut them again. Blink a couple times, sure, but please don’t look away from the help that is within reach.
Your choices do not define who you are. The chemical imbalance in your brain that is telling you “no” every day is not who you are. This body in which you live is not you at all. Your soul is your identity. The goodness, the love you have for others, is what makes you who you are. I love that soul of yours – I love the brightness it exudes.
I know it’s hard right now. I know you’re scared. This is territory you cannot explore on your own. You want to be independent – you don’t want to ask for help – but you’re at the end of your rope. Your arms hurt from holding on for so long. I know that feeling – that exhaustion of trying to make all the pieces fit together but finding that the edges just don’t line up. So, do me a favor. Let me help you. I will hold you up. I can’t do it all for you, because the only person that can truly save you is yourself, but I can be the support you need. Don’t be ashamed of this – don’t apologize for your tears, because those feelings are very real.
Your feelings are real.
The world would have you believe that this sadness makes you crazy. It will tell you that you are wrong to feel this way. Do you know how stupid that is? You would seek treatment for cancer because it is a physical ailment. Guess what? So is depression. It is the chemicals in your brain.
This illness does not define you or tarnish it in any way. It seems hopeless right now. You feel ugly in a way most people do not understand, but I am telling you that your mind is beautiful. Its strengths and its flaws are what make it that way.
Just look up. I am here waiting with open arms. God is waiting, too. Just take the next step. Just one foot forward and don’t look back. You can do this.
I love you.