Life After (attempted) Death

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When I woke up in the ICU after my second suicide attempt, I looked up at the ceiling tiles and just wondered…how?

How could I possibly live my life after this? I hadn’t planned for after because there wasn’t supposed to be one. I wish someone had told me then that there was a whole world waiting for me.

In the months following, I have moved to another state, landed a job I thought I would never be qualified for, and made the scary leap back into dating. I run primarily on tacos and pop-tarts, and I don’t sleep a whole lot. The side effects of the overdose are still prevalent, but I’ve learned to live with them. The nightmares haven’t stopped, but I’ve developed coping skills to handle them. Life is by no means perfect, but it is more beautiful now because I looked death in the face. Before I passed out, everything in me was screaming with regret. But…I’m alive, and I’m living, and life has gone on.

People ask questions and undoubtedly make judgments, but I try to face them as bravely as I can. I am honest when asked about my numb, shaking hands and mixed up speech. I give the most appropriate explanation possible for my scars. I don’t cower when spoken to or hide in my apartment.

My life has gone on, even after I attempted death.

Yours will too.

Whatever tragedy or illness or heartbreak has set you back, I promise it is not your ultimate end. There is more. Don’t give up. You will find a purpose in each day if you just search for it.

Keep your head above water and carry on.

You’re so brave.

Emma

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