Roots

I don’t want to be normal. I want to feel until my very bones ache from the weight of it. It’s what I’ve done my entire life. I enjoy it in best and worst ways. I think my doctors look at me like I’m seriously messed up because of it. I do my part, I […]

And that is good.

Today, I am alive and that is good. I may not be grateful for it every second. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t have to be. It’s kind of impossible to be, really, for anyone in this world. But, today, I am alive and that is good. I may not be happy for it every […]

“Take Care of Your Life”

Well…I’m back. Let’s skip the part where I artfully beat around the bush and then we all come to the same tearful realization together…I tried to kill myself again. Which, really, shouldn’t be all that surprising based on the tirade I posted here and the warpath I was on outside of my computer screen. Yay […]

I Will Not Apologize

I will not say that I am sorry for attempting suicide. I will not apologize for having bipolar disorder, OCD, BPD, or PTSD. I will not be the one to apologize for being sexually abused and assaulted. I will not say that I am sorry that you missed all of this, when it was happening right under […]

Move Along

If there’s anything this last year has taught me, it’s that standing still isn’t an option. In the last twelve months, I have moved eight times. I have lived in three different cities and three different states. I have nearly died at my own hand. I have carved over 100 new scars into my shoulders. […]

Addicted

So, I figured I’d address one of the darker parts of mental illness. I mean, it’s really all pretty dark, but this was the shadowy, really secretive abyss for me, personally. I found myself addicted to a couple prescription medications as a teenager. They were prescribed to treat a very real condition, but I found […]

How To: Inpatient Stay

Inpatient care for mental illness is beyond stigmatized. It is almost demonized, at least where I come from. When I was told I was being to a behavioral health center following my first overdose, I went into full panic mode. Every alarm was going off in my head and all I could say was no. If […]

Life After (attempted) Death

When I woke up in the ICU after my second suicide attempt, I looked up at the ceiling tiles and just wondered…how? How could I possibly live my life after this? I hadn’t planned for after because there wasn’t supposed to be one. I wish someone had told me then that there was a whole […]