How To: Inpatient Stay

Inpatient care for mental illness is beyond stigmatized. It is almost demonized, at least where I come from. When I was told I was being to a behavioral health center following my first overdose, I went into full panic mode. Every alarm was going off in my head and all I could say was no. If […]

Post-Atom Bomb

Hey you, Stop. For just a moment, pause and take a deep breath. I know what’s happening in your head right now. You can call BS on that, but I’m telling you honestly, I get it. It’s like an atom bomb has gone off. There’s been a massive explosion of emotion and it’s devastated all […]

Dear Mom

Mom, This April will mark six years since we said goodbye. I have a hard time grasping that, because in my head, we’re still in the backseat of the car on the way to the hospital. You’re crying and I’m singing our lullaby and trying to stop all of the bleeding. You can’t move very […]

Being Borderline: You’re Not Damned

When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I thought my whole world had ended. But, it hadn’t. A year and a half later, when I was given the dual diagnosis including borderline personality disorder, I thought my entire identity was a lie. But, it’s not. I have spent a copious amount of time researching BPD. […]

It’s Real

It doesn’t make sense to a lot of people. Maybe they just don’t understand, or maybe they haven’t experienced those moments where everything is so surreal that you’re not sure whether reality has crossed with another dimension or if they just begin and end in the same place. I’m talking about those moments after the […]

A Hot Empty Mess: My Apartment & I

When I got home from the hospital Tuesday night, I walked into an apartment that was basically a reflection of my head. Nearly everything had been taken by my old roommates, who moved out the day after my suicide attempt. What was mine was left scattered everywhere. A lot of things are missing. I’m not […]

Please Don’t Take My Sunshine Away

I don’t owe anyone anything, in the words of my psychiatrist, but I am writing this because I owe it to myself. Last Wednesday, I overdosed. I attempted suicide and was very close to successful. If I disappeared from your life for a week, now you know why. If you have heard rumors concerning me, […]

There is Something

  My body is covered in scars. It’s no secret, either. They’re not all in entirely private places. Some mar my shoulders, others trickle down my forearms. There is the errant line on my bicep. The thing is, it’s not entirely obvious where they came from. They’re like a bunch of puzzle pieces and the […]