Addicted

So, I figured I’d address one of the darker parts of mental illness. I mean, it’s really all pretty dark, but this was the shadowy, really secretive abyss for me, personally. I found myself addicted to a couple prescription medications as a teenager. They were prescribed to treat a very real condition, but I found […]

Life After (attempted) Death

When I woke up in the ICU after my second suicide attempt, I looked up at the ceiling tiles and just wondered…how? How could I possibly live my life after this? I hadn’t planned for after because there wasn’t supposed to be one. I wish someone had told me then that there was a whole […]

Survive

I am a survivor of things most people will never face and will never understand. I have been pinned down, struck, mocked, lied to, shared, and traumatized. I have looked into the eyes of men who felt nothing but pleasure as they took what was mine. I have iced bruises and fat lips, soaked in […]

Dear Mom

Mom, This April will mark six years since we said goodbye. I have a hard time grasping that, because in my head, we’re still in the backseat of the car on the way to the hospital. You’re crying and I’m singing our lullaby and trying to stop all of the bleeding. You can’t move very […]

How to Save a Life

I’ve been told on many occasions that I am an inspiration. People have told me how brave I am, how they look up to me, and how they can’t imagine facing these things themselves. I’ve been told that I am a lifesaver. I’ve been thanked for my empathy and patience. I’ve been the shoulder to […]

It’s Real

It doesn’t make sense to a lot of people. Maybe they just don’t understand, or maybe they haven’t experienced those moments where everything is so surreal that you’re not sure whether reality has crossed with another dimension or if they just begin and end in the same place. I’m talking about those moments after the […]

A Hot Empty Mess: My Apartment & I

When I got home from the hospital Tuesday night, I walked into an apartment that was basically a reflection of my head. Nearly everything had been taken by my old roommates, who moved out the day after my suicide attempt. What was mine was left scattered everywhere. A lot of things are missing. I’m not […]