Roots

I don’t want to be normal. I want to feel until my very bones ache from the weight of it. It’s what I’ve done my entire life. I enjoy it in best and worst ways. I think my doctors look at me like I’m seriously messed up because of it. I do my part, I […]

A Look Inside

Today I am writing a letter to those who were hurt in the aftermath of my latest mood swing and its accompanying actions. I am terrible at face to face confrontation, so please forgive me for writing this out. I just felt the need to get these feelings written out for all of us. I am […]

“Take Care of Your Life”

Well…I’m back. Let’s skip the part where I artfully beat around the bush and then we all come to the same tearful realization together…I tried to kill myself again. Which, really, shouldn’t be all that surprising based on the tirade I posted here and the warpath I was on outside of my computer screen. Yay […]

I Will Not Apologize

I will not say that I am sorry for attempting suicide. I will not apologize for having bipolar disorder, OCD, BPD, or PTSD. I will not be the one to apologize for being sexually abused and assaulted. I will not say that I am sorry that you missed all of this, when it was happening right under […]

Addicted

So, I figured I’d address one of the darker parts of mental illness. I mean, it’s really all pretty dark, but this was the shadowy, really secretive abyss for me, personally. I found myself addicted to a couple prescription medications as a teenager. They were prescribed to treat a very real condition, but I found […]

Life After (attempted) Death

When I woke up in the ICU after my second suicide attempt, I looked up at the ceiling tiles and just wondered…how? How could I possibly live my life after this? I hadn’t planned for after because there wasn’t supposed to be one. I wish someone had told me then that there was a whole […]

Survive

I am a survivor of things most people will never face and will never understand. I have been pinned down, struck, mocked, lied to, shared, and traumatized. I have looked into the eyes of men who felt nothing but pleasure as they took what was mine. I have iced bruises and fat lips, soaked in […]

Dear Mom

Mom, This April will mark six years since we said goodbye. I have a hard time grasping that, because in my head, we’re still in the backseat of the car on the way to the hospital. You’re crying and I’m singing our lullaby and trying to stop all of the bleeding. You can’t move very […]