Roots

I don’t want to be normal. I want to feel until my very bones ache from the weight of it. It’s what I’ve done my entire life. I enjoy it in best and worst ways. I think my doctors look at me like I’m seriously messed up because of it. I do my part, I […]

I Will Not Apologize

I will not say that I am sorry for attempting suicide. I will not apologize for having bipolar disorder, OCD, BPD, or PTSD. I will not be the one to apologize for being sexually abused and assaulted. I will not say that I am sorry that you¬†missed all of this,¬†when it was happening right under […]

Post-Atom Bomb

Hey you, Stop. For just a moment, pause and take a deep breath. I know what’s happening in your head right now. You can call BS on that, but I’m telling you honestly, I get it. It’s like an atom bomb has gone off. There’s been a massive explosion of emotion and it’s devastated all […]

Survive

I am a survivor of things most people will never face and will never understand. I have been pinned down, struck, mocked, lied to, shared, and traumatized. I have looked into the eyes of men who felt nothing but pleasure as they took what was mine. I have iced bruises and fat lips, soaked in […]

It’s Real

It doesn’t make sense to a lot of people. Maybe they just don’t understand, or maybe they haven’t experienced those moments where everything is so surreal that you’re not sure whether reality has crossed with another dimension or if they just begin and end in the same place. I’m talking about those moments after the […]

A Hot Empty Mess: My Apartment & I

When I got home from the hospital Tuesday night, I walked into an apartment that was basically a reflection of my head. Nearly everything had been taken by my old roommates, who moved out the day after my suicide attempt. What was mine was left scattered everywhere. A lot of things are missing. I’m not […]

Please Don’t Take My Sunshine Away

I don’t owe anyone anything, in the words of my psychiatrist, but I am writing this because I owe it to myself. Last Wednesday, I overdosed. I attempted suicide and was very close to successful. If I disappeared from your life for a week, now you know why. If you have heard rumors concerning me, […]

There is Something

  My body is covered in scars. It’s no secret, either. They’re not all in entirely private places. Some mar my shoulders, others trickle down my forearms. There is the errant line on my bicep. The thing is, it’s not entirely obvious where they came from. They’re like a bunch of puzzle pieces and the […]