Addicted

So, I figured I’d address one of the darker parts of mental illness. I mean, it’s really all pretty dark, but this was the shadowy, really secretive abyss for me, personally. I found myself addicted to a couple prescription medications as a teenager. They were prescribed to treat a very real condition, but I found […]

Life After (attempted) Death

When I woke up in the ICU after my second suicide attempt, I looked up at the ceiling tiles and just wondered…how? How could I possibly live my life after this? I hadn’t planned for after because there wasn’t supposed to be one. I wish someone had told me then that there was a whole […]

Post-Atom Bomb

Hey you, Stop. For just a moment, pause and take a deep breath. I know what’s happening in your head right now. You can call BS on that, but I’m telling you honestly, I get it. It’s like an atom bomb has gone off. There’s been a massive explosion of emotion and it’s devastated all […]

Survive

I am a survivor of things most people will never face and will never understand. I have been pinned down, struck, mocked, lied to, shared, and traumatized. I have looked into the eyes of men who felt nothing but pleasure as they took what was mine. I have iced bruises and fat lips, soaked in […]

Being Borderline: You’re Not Damned

When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I thought my whole world had ended. But, it hadn’t. A year and a half later, when I was given the dual diagnosis including borderline personality disorder, I thought my entire identity was a lie. But, it’s not. I have spent a copious amount of time researching BPD. […]

It’s Real

It doesn’t make sense to a lot of people. Maybe they just don’t understand, or maybe they haven’t experienced those moments where everything is so surreal that you’re not sure whether reality has crossed with another dimension or if they just begin and end in the same place. I’m talking about those moments after the […]

A Hot Empty Mess: My Apartment & I

When I got home from the hospital Tuesday night, I walked into an apartment that was basically a reflection of my head. Nearly everything had been taken by my old roommates, who moved out the day after my suicide attempt. What was mine was left scattered everywhere. A lot of things are missing. I’m not […]

Please Don’t Take My Sunshine Away

I don’t owe anyone anything, in the words of my psychiatrist, but I am writing this because I owe it to myself. Last Wednesday, I overdosed. I attempted suicide and was very close to successful. If I disappeared from your life for a week, now you know why. If you have heard rumors concerning me, […]